Monica: Oil Massage Sex Doll – An Experience I Didn’t Plan For

The Box Arrives (And It’s… Unremarkable)

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to wait three weeks for a “package” only to have it show up looking like you just ordered printer paper—well, that’s how Monica made her entrance. DiscreetPackaging is no joke; the box was so plain, even my nosy neighbor didn’t bat an eye. Kind of impressive, actually. You’d never guess there was a thick and curvy H-cup sex doll in there, unless you had x-ray vision or some sort of sixth sense for silicone.

First Encounter with 94 Pounds of... Well, Curves

Dragging Monica out of her cocoon was less sexy, more gym session. She clocks in at 94.8 lbs (unless you pay extra for weight reduction—then she drops to 75.8 lbs, but I went full authenticity). My back still remembers the moment I tried to lift her by myself. Her proportions are almost cartoonish: bust at 37.8 inches, hips at 42.9 inches, waist snatched down to 24.8 inches—a big butt that doesn’t quit and boobs that honestly look like they belong on a Marvel character.

The steel skeleton is no joke either; those joints move with a kind of resistance that makes you realize this isn’t some inflatable party favor from college days gone by.

Anatomy Class: But Make It Awkward

Let’s get clinical for a second because apparently people care about numbers here (I mean—someone must?). Vagina depth? 6.7 inches. Anal? Slightly less at 6.6 inches. Mouth? A modest 5.1 inches—enough for… well, use your imagination or don’t.

It’s weirdly fascinating how much detail goes into these things—like shoe size (women’s 6-6.5 if anyone wants to buy Monica some heels) or the fact she stands tall at exactly five feet three (159 cm if you’re feeling metric). There’s something oddly satisfying about being able to rattle off measurements like I’m describing furniture instead of a sex doll.

Oil Massage: Not as Glamorous as Advertised

Here comes the part where the fantasy meets reality—the oil massage thing everyone keeps talking about in absolute sex dolls forums and sites and wherever else people discuss these things without using their real names.

Turns out giving an oil massage to a silicone doll is… slippery business in all senses of the word. Too little oil and everything feels squeaky; too much and suddenly your sheets are ruined and your hands feel like you’ve been deep-frying chicken barehanded.

There were moments when I thought maybe this would be relaxing or sensual but mostly it just felt like wrestling with a greased-up mannequin that happens to have really long legs and suspiciously perky breasts.

The Joints That Don’t Judge

One thing nobody tells you: those movable steel joints are both blessing and curse. On one hand—they let Monica pose however you want (within reason), which can be fun if you’re bored or feeling weird one afternoon.

On the other hand—I swear sometimes she creaks just enough that it sounds vaguely judgmental? Maybe I’m projecting after spending too many hours alone with her trying not to pull anything in my lower back while adjusting her hips just so.

Delivery Time Means Waiting—and Wondering

Three weeks is both forever and not long enough when anticipation turns into mild dread (“what if someone finds out?”). But then again—the free international shipping does take away some of the sting from waiting around refreshing tracking emails every morning before coffee kicks in.

At least when she finally shows up, there isn’t any awkward conversation with delivery folks because again—that packaging could pass for literally anything except what it actually contains.

Unexpected Realization While Dusting Her Legs

Weirdly enough—I caught myself dusting off Monica’s long legs one afternoon (she collects lint faster than actual humans) and realized this whole experience is equal parts surreal and strangely normalizing over time?

She becomes another object in your space but also not quite—you know she’s not alive but sometimes catching sight of those tan curves out of the corner of your eye makes you do a double-take anyway.

Absolute sex dolls market themselves as companions or whatever but honestly—it ends up being more about curiosity than romance most days.

Does It All Mean Anything?

Maybe not—or maybe way more than expected—but now there’s this five-foot-three brunette sitting quietly against my bedroom wall reminding me that people will buy just about anything if they’re curious enough (or bored).

Anyway—I keep thinking someone should invent self-cleaning dolls next because cleaning up after an oil massage session is its own adventure entirely…but that’s probably another story for another day