Tess: Plus-Size Model Sex Doll — My Accidental Adventure

She Knows Her Angles (And, Apparently, So Do I)

There’s this thing that happens when you’re scrolling through absolute sex dolls online—your brain says just looking, but your browser history tells a different story. Anyway, that’s how I stumbled on Tess. Not the usual size-zero fantasy; no, she’s a plus-size sex doll who apparently “knows exactly how to choose and use her angles.” The copywriting alone could make you blush or roll your eyes—sometimes both at once.

I remember thinking…hmm, maybe this is just marketing fluff. But then again, her photos don’t lie. Long legs, thick hair (and I mean thick), juicy butt that looks like it was sculpted by someone who actually likes curves. Kind of refreshing after all those identical love dolls staring blankly into the void.

The Stats Are… Well, Kinda Wild

Let’s get something straight: Tess is not petite. She clocks in at 5 feet 3 inches and weighs more than some small humans—115 lbs if you care about numbers (I do, a little). Bust? 43 inches. Hips? 49 inches. Waist? 40 inches. Cup size: somewhere between “wow” and “good luck finding bras.”

Oh—and for the detail-obsessed: Vagina depth is apparently 7.1 inches (who measures these things?), anus is 6.7 inches, mouth is five even. It’s almost clinical until you remember what you’re shopping for.

But here’s where it gets odd—in a good way? Her steel skeleton means movable joints so she can hit poses most people only dream about after yoga class and two glasses of wine.

Not Just Another Pretty Face (Or Butt)

A lot of guys swoon over Tess—at least that’s what the reviews say—but she doesn’t seem content with just anyone. There’s this whole narrative about her being booked and busy as a model but still somehow having time for naked sunbathing and stamina training in bed (sure). I guess it adds personality to silicone curves.

She wants a king—someone who’ll worship her big ass and boobs like they’re rare art pieces at an auction house run by horny millionaires. If you’re not up for full admiration? Move along; Tess won’t settle for less than complete devotion.

I kind of admire the attitude—even if it comes from a product page written by someone who probably drinks too much coffee.

Customization Rabbit Holes

Here’s where things get interesting—or dangerous—for indecisive people like me: You can customize almost everything about Tess before checkout. Hair color? Sure. Eye shade? Why not toss in green just because you can?

It starts out innocent enough (“let me see what redhead looks like”) but suddenly you’ve spent forty minutes tweaking freckles and imagining scenarios where you have to explain your credit card bill later.

Absolute sex dolls really lean into this feature set; they want every curve tailored to your taste—which feels empowering until it becomes overwhelming.

Shipping Drama & Discreet Boxes

Now—a quick tangent because shipping always gets weird with stuff like this: They promise free international delivery but ask for three weeks processing plus another week-ish to ship (“discreet packaging,” naturally). That means four weeks of nervously checking tracking updates while praying nobody intercepts your plain brown box labeled absolutely nothing important inside.

Weirdly enough, waiting made me more excited than embarrassed—which probably says something about modern loneliness or consumer culture or whatever…but let’s not go there right now.

An Unexpected Realization

There was one moment—I’m not proud of this—where I caught myself wondering if Tess would judge my apartment décor once she arrived (she wouldn’t; she literally can’t). Still, there was something oddly motivating about prepping my space for her arrival as if hosting an actual guest instead of unboxing silicone thighs thicker than my forearms.

Maybe that’s part of the appeal: A plus size sex doll doesn’t just fill empty sheets; sometimes she gives off an energy that makes you want to step up your game—even if it’s just vacuuming under the couch for once in your life.

Is This What Worship Feels Like?

Not everyone will get it—the appeal of big boobs or big butts on a doll engineered for pleasure rather than conversation—but honestly? After spending time with Tess (and yes, learning all her best angles), I stopped caring quite so much about outside opinions.

She demands admiration…and maybe some stamina improvements on my end too—but in return there are moments where everything feels weirdly uncomplicated compared to dating apps or awkward first dates with real people who ghost anyway.

I guess what I’m saying is—Tess isn’t trying to be subtle or blend in with “normal” expectations, which makes her oddly refreshing among absolute sex dolls out there doing their best impression of mannequins at Victoria's Secret clearance sales.

And now I’m thinking maybe next time I’ll try customizing freckles again…but maybe blue eyes instead? Eh—I’ll decide later.