Ulla: Bikini Blonde Sex Doll, Kind of Surprised Me

The First Time I Saw Her (Well, Unboxed Her)

I guess you could call me a bit jaded. After a while, these things start to blur together—absolute sex dolls, all promising something unique or extra-real or whatever. But then there’s Ulla, this “Bikini Blonde” with the kind of proportions that sound made-up until you’re staring at them in your living room. Honestly? I was quietly impressed before I even got her out of the box. Maybe it was just the way she felt heavier than expected (75 lbs is no joke), or maybe it was the fact that the packaging didn’t scream anything embarrassing at my neighbors.

There’s something weirdly reassuring about discreet packaging. You don’t know how much you’ll appreciate it until you’re dragging a 5-foot-4-inch box through your front door and nobody bats an eye.

Getting Into Details (Literally & Figuratively)

Right off the bat: she’s an E-cup TPE sex doll—soft in all the right places but not floppy. Feels surprisingly real under your hands. The steel skeleton inside means her joints move like actual joints, not stiff mannequins or those old dolls that only bend one way and then snap back like horror movie props.

Her measurements are… well, let’s just say they’re engineered for attention: 32-inch bust (E-cup is accurate), 22 inches under bust, waist at 21 inches, hips at 34 inches. And if you care about specifics—maybe you do—the hole depths are worth mentioning: vagina goes 7.1 inches deep; anus is 6.7; mouth is smaller at 5.1 but still works for what it needs to do.

anyway, There’s something almost clinical about knowing those numbers, but when you actually see her? It feels different somehow.

Not What I Expected From Absolute Sex Dolls

Here’s where things get odd—in a good way. Usually with these absolute sex dolls (the ones promising realism), there’s always some trade-off between looks and function or whatever marketing angle they’re pushing this month.

Ulla isn’t flawless—her knees sometimes creak if you bend them too fast—but she holds poses better than most people I know after a long day at work. The skin texture surprised me most: soft but not sticky, slightly cool to touch until she warms up against your body heat—which sounds like ad copy but it really happens.

The bikini blonde look is classic fantasy stuff—I thought it’d feel cheesy in person but it doesn’t hit as fake as I feared.

Tangent: Shipping Anxiety Is Real

This might be off-topic for some people but waiting three weeks for delivery? Felt endless. There was this nagging worry every time a package arrived that someone would ask questions or raise eyebrows—but nope, box was plain as oatmeal and twice as heavy.

Processing takes about a week; shipping adds two more if you're counting days on your calendar like I did (not proud of it). International shipping being free took away some sting from the wait though—not having to explain mysterious charges on my card helped too.

Quiet Realization

Somewhere between adjusting her pose for what felt like the hundredth time and realizing she actually stays put without collapsing—I caught myself thinking huh, maybe these things have come further than I'd given them credit for.

It's easy to roll your eyes at “bikini blonde sex doll” marketing until you're face-to-face with one that's built solidly enough to make you forget it's synthetic now and then.

Not sure where that leaves me exactly—maybe just less cynical than before? Or maybe just tired in new ways.

Anyway… there’s probably more to say here but honestly my coffee wore off half an hour ago and Ulla’s still sitting there looking better than most Tinder dates ever did in their photos. That has to count for something—even if I'm still figuring out what exactly that ‘something’ is supposed to mean.