Willow: The Sexy Hiker Sex Doll I Didn’t Expect to Meet

There’s a certain point in online browsing—usually after midnight, when the tabs pile up and your brain’s just sort of humming—that you stumble across things like Willow.

Not “Willow” the movie, not some woodland fairy. No, this is Willow: the sexy hiker sex doll. She’s five foot seven (that’s 172 cm for those who measure their existential crises metrically), D-cup, made from TPE, and apparently ready to summit mountains or… whatever else you have in mind.

Details That Creep Up on You

Here’s the thing about these absolute sex dolls: they’re oddly specific. Willow isn’t just tall for a doll (I mean, she’d look me right in the eye if she could). She weighs 84 lbs—so not exactly something you toss over your shoulder unless you’ve been hitting CrossFit extra hard. Her proportions are almost cartoonish: bust at 35 inches, underbust at 26, waist barely there at 22.8 inches. Hips? A neat 33.8 inches.

It gets more clinical—hole depths measured out with an engineer’s precision: vagina and anus both at 6.7 inches deep; mouth a little less ambitious at 5.1 inches. Someone somewhere probably has a spreadsheet for all this.

Joints That Move (But Don’t Judge)

You know what caught my attention? Steel skeleton with movable joints. There’s something both impressive and unsettling about that phrase—like she could help pitch a tent or maybe just hold a yoga pose longer than I ever could manage without collapsing into self-loathing.

And yeah, vaginal, anal, and oral sex is possible (the product page makes sure you don’t miss this). I guess that covers most scenarios anyone would admit to searching for at three in the morning.

Packaging That Pretends Nothing Happened

Shipping details always make me laugh—free international shipping! Discreet packaging! The box is completely plain and unlabeled; your neighbors will never know unless they see you wrestling an oddly shaped package through the door and start making wild guesses (“new bookshelf?” “life-size mannequin for art class?”).

Processing takes two weeks plus another week for shipping; three weeks total if you’re counting down days like it’s Christmas but lonelier.

The Part Where I Wonder What I’m Doing

I remember thinking—maybe it was around tab number twenty-seven—that whoever designed Willow must have had opinions about hikers’ bodies or maybe just wanted to see how far human ingenuity would go for companionship that doesn’t talk back.

The irony isn’t lost on me: we build steel-jointed dolls so lifelike they need their own sizing chart but still can’t figure out why we feel weirdly empty afterward.

An Off-Trail Thought

Honestly—I mean wait, no, scratch that word since I only get one hesitation per article—I once saw someone drag a mannequin through JFK airport wearing sunglasses and nobody batted an eye. Maybe Willow would fit right in; maybe she already has.

Anyway, absolute sex dolls keep getting more elaborate while real conversations get shorter every year. There’s probably something profound buried under all this TPE skin but today? Today I’m too checked out to dig any deeper.

Maybe next time I’ll write about hiking boots instead.